The Sun newspaper recently released a pessimistic estimation that says Great Britain will have to face its disintegration within 25 years. However, this initial apprehension is going to be soon overcome by my active presence and reigning in the Throne Room of Buckingham Palace.
Queen Elizabeth II will be forced to submit her resignation by public vote after being caught speeding at 150 km/h in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. This event will be commonly known as the Lonsdale scandal and will ultimately lead to publicly highly anticipated dissolution of the Parliament of the United Kingdom. All of these above mentioned events will occur on the 3rd of July, 2023.
"Lonsdale Scandal" as documented by www.royal.gov.uk
Due to these circumstances, every seat in the House of Commons will become vacant. As a result of this British inability to preserve its sovereign nation status, the European International Committee will send me, the leader of the European Parliament, to this country to restore order as a new head of the British Parliament. On my way to the disintegrated British Monarchy, I will be sailing for three days. Considering the fact that I have been prone to become seasick at sea for most of my life, I'll be drinking scotch to relieve myself a bit during the adventurous journey to the promised land.
As I get to Great Britain, I will be immediately celebrated by the British national orchestra and it will be playing "Pomp and Circumstance No.1 in D Major" on the occasion of my arrival.
As a temporal Prime Minister of Great Britain, I will personally name my youngest sister to form a new administration and afterwards I'll voluntarily abdicate my job and duties to enter the first time election to the British throne. Having all the accolades and public support of the British people, I will be unanimously elected to rule the British Monarchy. I am serving a notice that I'll become king of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland on the 4th of March 2024.
By 2025, the British Parliament as well as the House of Commons will have been filled by my close and distant relatives. As a new head of the British Monarchy with no direct successor, I will come back to the Czech Republic to find myself a queen. I will not be able to choose just one so by the year of 2028, I will have had 22 children with 7 different wives and no queen by my side.
Bearing in mind that scotch helped me from the painful suffering and agony on my boat, I will, based on this lifesaving experience, promote Glasgow to become the capital of Great Britain. Tea will no longer be regarded as a national drink of the United Kingdom and the Johnnie Walker distilleries will be vastly spreading all over Great Britain within 6 years after my accession to the British throne.
As a result of my increasing power, I'll be trying for 3 consecutive years to invade the United States of America and get back the Plymouth colony that once belonged to the British Empire. The area of New England will have been known since the beginning of my reign as the biggest ally of Great Britain and the biggest congregation of my followers. But my public protest in Boston for separation of Massachusetts from the United States will fall on deaf ears and eventually come to naught on the 4th of July, 2032.
I will be captured right after my speech in Boston by the Central Intelligence Agency and brought before the court of justice. I'll be accused of being a public nuisance, but no criminal liability will be the verdict. Dazed and disgusted by the strict Constitution of the United States, I'll sail after one day of imprisonment back to my beloved Britain.
As I step out of the boat, some drunk member of the British artillery and a former influential member of the British aristocracy named José Incognito will pull the trigger on me. Severely wounded and with no chance to retaliate, I will crawl back to the stern of my boat. Meanwhile, the traitor will be captured by my loyal subordinates and then interrogated by me personally. The attempt of my assasination will be harshly punished. In front of 200,000 of my servants and over 150 million watching worldwide, Incognito will be exemplarily deported to the Chukchi Peninsula... and all British graveyard colognes too.
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